Three small words

FullSizeRenderThere, I said it. Three small words strung together in the English language that our culture would deem the unsexiest phrase ever. It’s ok if it makes you uncomfortable because I agree – it’s awkward.

I don’t know anyone who would outrightly tell someone who is considering giving up, “Sure, that sounds like a great idea!” Instead we want people to push through, pull through, or power through, so we encourage them with socially acceptable/also happen to be three-small-word-phrases like “hang in there” or “just keep swimming”…

We are a culture obsessed with strength, winning, and overcoming, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Trust me – I’m a sucker for a good backstory about beating the odds which is probably why I love watching sports and why I personally auditioned three times before I got into the Indiana University Jacobs School of Music.

But this time I’m tired. Really, really, tired. So tired that the other week I found myself literally face on the bathroom floor through snotty gasps crying out “I. GIVE. UP.” Surprisingly, it’s hands down the best decision I’ve made thus far.

By God’s grace here I am: alive, generally well, and slowly regaining hope even after my dreams have just been shattered. Again. It’s not completely “okay” and it hurts, but I’ve finally given myself permission, with the encouragement of an amazing Godly mentor of mine and the support of my closest people, to let go, let myself break completely, and give up – and see what miracles God can make of this mess.

Pressing on by giving up is an illogical equation that is difficult – if not impossible – to grasp. But neither is God’s grace, and I am so thankful for that.


❤ amanda mae


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