Trusting the process

 

Recently I decided I’m retiring from professionally singing and acting because it has become increasingly clear that that chapter is over (at least for now). The last straw was actually pretty hilarious: my friend Amy sent me an email about a casting notice for an Asian actor, 20-40, for a paid role in an upcoming production. This was the first professional theater opportunity I’ve heard of in the five years I’ve lived in Nashville for exactly my “type”!

I quickly submitted my headshot and resume only to receive an e-mail back not even five minutes later: “Actually we need a male. Sorry, we’ll keep you on file.” I laughed and knew that that was the end of that!

I’ve actually been excited about the idea of discovering things about myself I never really considered. About six weeks ago I began a lengthy in-depth career assessment which consisted of hours of written and online testing, an interview with a career counselor to validate my responses, and eventually a final review of a report which explained what my natural strengths, work preferences, and recommended jobs and organizations are in my area.

I’m a pretty frugal person and given our current circumstances of me not really bringing much income to the table, it was a big stretch to trust God with “investing” time, way more money than I felt comfortable spending, and faith into this experiment.

I had mixed emotions as I fully committed to making the most of the process. I wanted to be surprised and wowed by the results, hoping there’d be a diamond in the rough and that the fireworks would go off when the counselor revealed what my life’s true calling is. But as I went through the questionnaires and interview, the process revealed that I already knew in my heart what my dreams were – and still are.

Though the results were affirming, I guess I was secretly hoping to trade in my dreams which require hard work, involve lots of rejection, and a great deal of time on my knees praying for inspiration, motivation, and perseverance, for something a little “easier” and more clear-cut. Something I could go back to school for and get a job out of. Something I could show up for at 9 a.m. and leave at 5 p.m. and have health benefits. (WOW, that makes me sound like a real adult – and pretty lame! LOL)

I even sensed the counselor’s genuine concern for my well being, encouraging me to pursue something that had enough flexibility and creativity so that I wouldn’t feel like I was imprisoned, but had enough structure and a regular income so I wouldn’t be so stressed out or prone to depression. I get it. The artist’s path is a rocky one.

Right now I’m just doing “the next thing”, as one of our teaching pastors likes to say, which today is doing what I love – writing this post, and trusting God to reveal the right opportunity at the right time.

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❤ amanda mae

 

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